“Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby…” (pt. 1)

There is such a broad range of topics surrounding sex in religion, so we’re going to break it up into two parts: what we should do personally, and what we should teach our kids.  This first post will be about how we should handle sex as individuals.

Before you read any of this, understand a few things:

1) This isn’t a rant, merely observations and discussions I have had about sex and sexual activity.
2) I am, by the most common definition, a virgin (by choice).
3) I have no intentions of saying anybody is in the wrong or right.

I ran into a friend of mine yesterday who I went to school with at Longwood.  She now works for the school newspaper, and was telling me about how things were going.  One of the things she brought up was a column devoted entirely to sexual education.  When I initially saw the first article, I thought it was simply a one-time thing…a very…disturbing…albeit “informative”…article.  But apparently I was wrong.

Now, by “sexual education” I don’t mean how to be safe about it, or to wait until you find the perfect person.  And if there were any articles like that, they were few, and I don’t remember them.  No, instead, the majority of these articles look as if they could have come from Cosmopolitan.  It’s awful.  Tips on how to give BJs, that it’s better to have sex on your period because you can use it as lube…people, I can’t make this stuff up.

So that got me thinking about something…what has sex turned into in society?  Society is split on the topic, and the rift seems to get continuously bigger.  It seems the more people start to look at sex as an everyday no-big-deal thing, the stronger the protests become.  And, of course, the stronger the protests become, the stronger the supporters of sex push back, and it’s a big circle.

So let’s look at a few arguments:

Here’s a blog about a girl who says she regrets waiting until marriage.

For those of you who do not wish to read the article, however short, I’ll give you a quick rundown.  This girls gives three reasons why she regretted saving herself for marriage:

1) Your wedding night does not necessarily translate to “You are ready for sex night.”
2) It makes you get married very young without living together beforehand.
3) A decade or so of sexual restraint is mentally difficult to get over.

Now, before I respond, I will say that I am going with the assumption that Christians do (statistically more men than women) masturbate.  This is because of both statistical research and personal experience.

1) Your wedding night does not necessarily translate to “You are ready for sex night.”

This is true.  But nobody told you you had to have sex the night of your marriage.  On the contrary, some people deliberately say not to have sex the night of your wedding, because, on top of not knowing what’s going on, you’re stressed and exhausted from getting married.

Now, this girl says she didn’t know what to do and had never seen a penis before.  But the fact is, hundreds of thousands of people have also not had sex before their wedding night, and don’t know what to do.  Here’s the thing about sex: everyone is different, and having sex with anyone is a learning experience.  You can’t dive under the sheets the first night and expect to have flawless animal sex.  Many people I have talked to that have been having sex for YEARS say they still learn something about their partner and/or themselves.  Sex, especially with a person that loves you and will have the patience to learn with you, is not supposed to be perfect immediately.

2) It makes you get married very young without living together beforehand.

Does it, though?  I am a virgin, and I have no intentions of rushing into marriage to have sex.  Now, I know many people (being from a town with a private Christian university) who do rush into marriage.  The “joke” (and I put that in quotes because it’s based on truth) is “a ring by spring or your money back”.  All joking aside, yes, there are going to be Christians who rush into marriage so they can have sex.  But a marriage isn’t about sex.  In fact, it disturbs me greatly thinking that there are people who put sex before emotional maturity in a marriage.  Especially Christians, who are taught the importance of a Christ-based relationship.

So for the people who want to get married just to have sex: As bad as this sounds, if you’re so desperate to get between the sheets, and you’re engaged, go ahead and have sex.  Because if you’re not emotionally ready for marriage, it’s going to be a disaster.  And the cost, shame, and emotional problems that can all come from getting divorced, are going to be a lot worse than if you have sex before you get married.

Otherwise, just suck it up.  I’ve waited 22 years, have had numerous girlfriends, and am still a virgin.  Several of my girlfriends even spent the night in bed with me and we didn’t do anything.  This may sound rant-ish, but people put too little emphasis on self-control.  You have the ability to NOT have sex before marriage.  Just.  Say.  No.

3) A decade or so of sexual restraint is mentally difficult to get over.

Yes.  There are a lot of stories about sexual problems that have arisen from a man or woman being told that sex was bad, and suddenly when they get married they can’t transition immediately into “oh, it’s okay now.”  But what we need to do about this will be talked about in “Part 2”.

Here’s another blog curious about why we should save ourselves until marriage.

Now, from the perspective of a Christian couple that has sex.  I had a friend of mine tell me that he and his girlfriend were having sex before marriage.  He went on to explain that he talked to a pastor about it, who reminded him that the ceremonies in the Bible were not like those of today.  In Biblical times, there would be a signing of a legal document, consummation of the marriage, proof that the woman was a virgin, and then a feast.  My friend’s pastor said he was not against sex when the couple was committed to each other and loved in each in a Christ-like way.

Personally, I agree with the pastor.  I believe that if a couple is deeply in love, and committed to each other in a Christ-based love (preferably engaged to each other), if they want to have sex, they can.  As for what I will do if I get engaged, I will have to worry about that when the time comes.  If it feels right, I may have sex with my fiance.  If not, I’ll wait until we’re married.

At this point, I’m almost done, but I know some of you are deeply taken aback and thinking I’m a hypocrite, responding to the 3 reasons to have sex before marriage in the way that I did.  But I will respond to that by saying that I was simply finding the flaws in the girl’s arguments.

My last point (for now, at least) is why you should save yourself.  Unfortunately, I can’t re-find the post, but if I do, I will edit this and put it in.  But the point is, there was a post by a Christian woman condemning Christians who were hateful about saving yourself for marriage, and instead offering a different, more personal reason.  She said she saved herself not because the Bible told her to, not for her spouse.  She saved herself because she wanted to.  It’s as simple as that.  Save yourself because you want to.  Because you want to feel closer to God (the Bible emphasizes purity in many forms, and I feel it can be summed up in Matthew 5:8, which says “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.”).  Again, however, that’s leaning into Part 2’s topic, which I will post within 2-3 days hopefully.

 

Let me know what you think, guys!  God Bless!

~Fus

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One thought on ““Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby…” (pt. 1)

  1. Thanks for reading my blog, good on you for seeking out an opinion that opposes your own.

    The best thing you said above was ‘Save yourself because you want to.’ There are a lot of people out there saving themselves because they think it’s the right to do for everyone, without having thought about it themselves.

    The worst thing you said above were your responses to my points but I’ll let the follow up blogs below speak to those.

    I have to be honest that I do find it ironic that people who have never had sex, write blogs giving advice on whether to have sex or not. Sorta like someone who’s never travelled to Iceland writing a blog giving advice about whether people should go there or not. Good on you for thinking about it but maybe get some life experience first, then dish out your musings on what your experience tells you about the best way to live life.

    I would’ve written your exact same blog above when I was a virgin… plenty of life experiences ahead for you to discover what you really think your mind!! 😀

    From, The Girl Who Regretted Saving Sex For Marriage

    What Young People Saving Sex For Marriage Don’t Know About Sex That They Really Freakin’ Should…

    Part 1: ‘http://msclair.com/what-young-people-saving-sex-for-marriage-dont-know-about-sex-that-they-really-freakin-should/

    and Part 2: http://msclair.com/what-christians-saving-sex-for-marriage-dont-realise-about-marriage-that-they-really-freakin-should-part-2/

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